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Does Nesting Help Your Children through Divorce?

Posted By Center for Mediated Divorce || 3-Nov-2016

Divorce has evolved over the last couple of years. With women earning better wages and father’s looking to be involved in custody, old traditional divorce agreements have fallen by the wayside and new, creative solutions are being experimented with and implemented. Many divorced couples have tried to find stability for their children and are turning to “nesting” to provide their children with a stable environment during the new chapter of life.

What Is Nesting?

Nesting is the when a divorced couple chooses to keep the family home they shared together and that the kids live in, and instead of the kids switching households between parents every week, parents move in and out of the home during their time of custody. The children don’t have to call two new locations “home, ” and instead the parents take turns switching between the home and a second living area.

The key to nesting is to be considerate. The parents need to establish detailed rules and regulations on everything from who does the chores like washing dishes to what hour the exchange of households needs to occur. Keeping both living spaces clean, well-stocked, and free of personal effects is how most exes have been able to make the arrangement work.

Does Nesting Really Work?

It might sound like an ideal way to keep your children grounded and avoid having to sell your family home, but in reality, nesting might not be as beneficial as it sounds.

Firstly, the agreement doesn’t give parents their own place to rebuild their new lives. Often, problems that can hurt a marriage find themselves creating problems in a situation like this. Constant contact with an ex isn’t a healthy way to move on, and if you are going to continue to argue over money or being messy, sharing living space together is a problem waiting to happen.

Secondly, kids are resilient. Children can bounce back after even the messiest of divorces. As long as parents work together on parenting, your children can find stability. However, nesting can be confusing for a child. It doesn’t allow for the child to see his or her parents in their new lives with their new routines. It never gives them the chance to adapt and find that stability in the new situation.

In the end, the risks could vastly outweigh the benefits. The important thing to remember when determining the details of your divorce is that you need to find what works for you, your ex-spouse, and your family. Each family is different, and each solution to divorce needs to be as equally different. You can learn more about nesting from this Wall Street Journal article, “When Parents Divorce, the Children Get the House.”

If you need legal help with your divorce, contact our team of Irvine divorce lawyers today. We have years of experience helping families determine what works best for them!

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