After finding out that your spouse was having an affair, you may be wrestling
with a mixture of feelings, including shock, devastation, betrayal, and
terrible hurt. You may have suspected something was going on all along
or been completely blindsided by the revelation or news. Whatever situation
you are in, the good news is that your marriage is not beyond repair.
Yes, your spouse must be willing to come forward and admit their bad decisions,
their hurtful actions, and their selfish choices, but you must also be
willing to work through matters with them after you have given yourself
time to heal.
However, before you can get there, you must first be ready to take care
of yourself. In a
recent article written by Dr. Kathy Nickerson, some helpful tips were given to spouses who had just found out they were
cheated on. We provide insight on these matters and guidance on how to
think clearly in this trying time.
Processing Your Emotions & Caring for Yourself
It is completely natural to feel frustrated and overwhelmed during this
time. Very understandably, you are probably feeling more hurt than ever
before. Despite the seemingly dark days ahead, you can restore and save
your marriage! Even though your spouse had an affair, this does not mean
that they do not love you or want to remain married. It simply means they
made a very bad choice and caused you significant pain as a result. It
is something that should be worked through, regardless of your end decision.
Eventually, with time, you can decide how you would like to proceed with
your relationship. Jumping to a decision (whether to stay or leave) right
away can be more harmful than good. Give yourself time to process things
and think through your emotions.
If you are ready to begin healing yourself and your marriage, follow these tips:
- Make sure to get plenty of rest during this time
- Avoid alcohol, drugs, or caffeine (Opt for herbal teas or water)
- Try to eat as healthy as possible and get in some exercise each day
- Write down how you are feeling and any thoughts you have a hard time processing
- Take time to write down or think about things that you are grateful for
- Reach out and ask for support from friends or family if needed
- Be willing to request some time off of work if it seems like it would be helpful
- Don’t sit and wallow—distract yourself with activities
- Open up with a close friend who you can share your feelings and frustrations with
Remember, there are many steps that must be taken to restore what you once
had and give back your trust to your spouse. By making sure you maintain
a level and clear head, you will be better able to process your feelings
and understand where you are at with your goals for your relationship.
From there, you can be ready to move forward and work with your spouse
to rebuild your marriage.
If you have been unfaithful to your spouse and need guidance on how to
restore your marriage,
read this blog post we provided.